They say the golden age of letter writing is long gone. They say that because of e-mail and faxes and instant messaging, no one is taking the time to actually sit down and write a letter to a friend or relative or prison pen-pal.

And you know what? "They" are right.

But we here at the Department of Correspondence and Communication are doing it anyway. And we hope others will too. Our motto: "Annoying Big Business And Other People We Don't Know, One Letter Or Phone Call At A Time." Yes, it's a cumbersome, hard-to-remember slogan, but we here at the Department of Correspondence and Communication like to correspond. And communicate. A lot.

(Yes, all letters and phone calls are real. I'll add more every Monday.)

Phone call to Nestle after discovering that the "pop-up" button on my container of Taster's Choice coffee didn't "pop-up," signalling a possible lack of freshness.

TC: Thank you for calling Taster's Choice, this is XXX, how may I help you?
Me: Yes, I think my coffee isn't that fresh. Is the little button supposed to pop-up when you open it?
TC: Yes, it should pop-up.
Me: Mine didn't pop-up.

[Customer rep asks several questions, gets my address, and promises to send me coupons for my trouble. She also advises me not to use the coffee.]

Here is the response they sent. Take special note of who it is addressed to. That's not a typo. Should I wear more loose clothing or maybe talk about football and power tools more? (I also appreciate that they assume I have high standards for taste, quality, nutrition, and enjoyment - "the very best." I don't even drink coffee. Note: they were cool enough to send me two coupons, one for 50 cents off a jar of Taster's Choice, and one for a free jar - value up to $11.90!)

September 7, 2001

Ms. Bob Sassone
XXXXX XX
Gloucester, MA.

Dear Ms. Sassone,

Thank you for contacting us about TASTER'S CHOICE Instant Coffee. We appreciate that you took the time to let us know about your experience. Your feedback plays an integral role in our ongoing efforts to further improve our products and services.

Our goal at Nestle is to provide the highest quality products, and we would like to assure you that we have reported your comments to our Quality Assurance department so they can investigate this matter further. We are committed to providing you with products that live up to your high standards for taste, quality, nutrition and enjoyment - in short, "the very best."

Please accept our apologies for any incovenience this has caused you. In appreciation of your loyalty, we hope that you will accept the enclosed for your future purchases. Should you have additional questions or comments, please do not hesitate to contact us at 1-800-XXX-XXXX, Monday-Friday, 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. Eastern Time.

Sincerely,

Kim XXXXXXXX
Consumer Response Representative

***

From 1995 to 2000, I published a print and online zine titled Channel Surfer Journal. It was a one-man operation, a television newsletter printed on my computer with desktop publishing software. Below is a letter I received from a fan (?) after two issues.

September, 1995

Mr. Sassone,

I just saw a copy of your second issue. I have three questions for you. 1.) Why doesn't your magazine have color photos and glossy paper? 2.) You must have money, so why don't you hire better writers and make it bigger? 3.) I don't have to buy your magazine when I can get better ones on the newsstand. Do you think I'm stupid?

Jeff XXXXX
Los Angeles, CA

My response:

Jeff,

1.) It's not a magazine, it's a newsletter.
2.) Give me a break.
3.) Yes, I do.

***

July 1, 1999

Kellogg's Company
Battle Creek, Michigan

Dear Cereal People:

I want to thank you , thank you, thank you for all of the many years of fantastic cereal fun you have brought to me and my family! I've been eating Kellogg's products since I was a little boy. One of my earliest memories is sitting in my high chair, face covered in milk, banging my spoon while throwing individual pieces of cereal at my mom and older sisters. I remember making Rice Krispies treats for the first time (they tasted great but my brother and my dog were both scalded in a bizarre hot marshmallow accident), and I vividly recall just a few years ago when my dad refused to "leggo my Eggo," and I had to stab him in the neck with my Tony the Tiger collectible spoon. Perhaps you saw it on Cops?

I had a question I was hoping you could help me with: your ads over the years have always proudly proclaimed that you put "two scoops of raisins" in every box of Raisin Bran. Though I've never counted the actual raisins, I was wondering: how can the large family sized box AND the tiny individual sized box BOTH have "two scoops of raisins?" Are you using different sized scoops? If so, why don't you tell us that? It's very confusing.

Any help you could give me would be greatly appreciated.

Yours in cereal lust,

Bob Sassone

(Never received a response from them)