One of these days I'm going to go to the supermarket, and nothing is going to happen.On my frequent trips to get groceries, I've seen many things: arguments between an irate customer and the store manager, shoppers eating food before paying for it, accidents in the parking lot, birds flying around inside above the soup aisle. And, without fail, something bizarre always occurs at the checkout: my discount card won't work, the cash register will malfunction, the power will go out (one time the power went out and they had to use - and I'm not kidding - hand cranks), or scary, ignorant people in line behind me or directly in front of me will buy one apple and pay with a check, or buy 35 cartons of ice cream and try to go through the express line ("hey, it's all one item!"). Once I even saw a woman burst into flames and explode.
Well, actually, no. But that day is coming, I just know it.
My latest adventure happened in the aisle of chips and mayo (sounds like a new cop show: "I'm Chips, He's Mayo"). I was pushing my cart down the aisle, alone except for a gentleman in front of me that looked like every shady drug dealer on Miami Vice. He approached me with a bottle of vinegar, filling the air with the smell of tequila. He pointed to the picture of the bottle.
"Chicken?" he said in a foreign accent. He pointed to the chicken on the plate in the picture.
"Yes," I replied. He pointed again.
"Vegetable?"
"Yes." He pointed a third time.
"Rice?"
"Yes."
He then paused dramatically, got a concerned look on his face, and put his hands up in frustration.
"Why?" he asked. I honestly did not know. Was this some sort of existential test he was giving me?
"Um, I don't really use vinegar," was my lame response. He smiled, and nodded as if he understood my refusal to use vinegar, then stumbled down the aisle, heading right for another unsuspecting customer pushing a cart. Perhaps she knew why?
You may have noticed a few new additions to the site. I've added a weekly poll which will probably turn out to be biweekly. Nothing important, of course. No political poll questions like: "if you are a Reagan democrat and a compassionate conservative with Reform Party agenda, and it's 45 degrees and the economy is good and your conditioner is working just right, would you be most likely to vote for McCain or Bush?"
OK, I'm rambling. Here's a new column on New Words For The 21st Century. Maybe we can get them into the next edition of Webster's.