I swear: I don't remember seeing anything on the package about disfiguring injuries or bleeding.This week started innocently enough, with a meal consisting of cheeseburger Hot Pockets, chips, and Pepsi. I bit into the second pocket, and a laser beam of hot cheese flew onto my lower lip. Of course, I had my hands full (pocket in one hand, Pepsi in the other - talk about bad timing), so I couldn't immediately grab the glob off my mouth and throw it away. Just a split second was all it took to cause horrendous pain and screaming. On second thought, maybe I threw that pocket on the table instead of dropping it.
It hasn't stopped bleeding since. Well, OK, the bleeding hasn't been continuous - I probably wouldn't be typing this right now if that was the case - but I have this rather large, red, circular mark on the corner of my lower lip that starts to bleed every time I use my mouth. In case you've never noticed, you use your mouth a lot: talking, eating, laughing, brushing your teeth, grinning, swearing at the heavens because you burned your mouth. In other words, this thing is IRRITATING and FRUSTRATING, in capital letters. Medicine is pretty much out because the injury is on my mouth and I don't feel like eating medication right now. So it's a week of pressure via paper towels and Blistex. I don't really want to talk, so don't call me. And don't even dare send me a funny e-mail.
So let me get this straight. The multi-millionaire guy turns out to be kind of a creep, the bride had to sign a pre-nup, the marriage can be annulled, and both the groom and bride are having problems handling all of it...and people are SURPRISED?!? What did you expect? This isn't Jack and Rose in love on the Titanic. MMM (Mr. Multi-Millionaire) and TMMM (the Temporary Mrs. Multi-Millionaire) met, kissed passionately, got married, and left for a honeymoon, all in the span of about 3 minutes.
This wasn't one of those multi-millionaire's you hear about that advertise for a wife or put the word out that they are looking for a life long companion. This was a FOX production from the get-go. THEY picked this guy from a bunch of multi-millionaires (in this case, the term "multi" is used loosely), checked his background (sort of), and put on the show. This guy is a publicity hound, period. He's a stand-up comic, and a quick check on the Internet Movie Database shows he wrote/starred in a couple of those "Killer Tomato" movies several years back. As for the bride...what did she think this was all about? What did she think would happen? Controversy? An annullment? Close scrutiny by the media? People laughing? That's what she got. Did she do it for the publicity and prizes, or did she actually think that this arrangment would work out some how? I can't believe the latter. But either way, it doesn't make her look good at all.
I bet the other 49 potential brides are breathing sighs of relief.