The other night I was watching television, and a commercial for a Polka album came on. All Polka songs, people dancing, handing meat around a table to each other, smiling, having a great time. All the songs done by the same 4 or 5 artists. And at the bottom of the screen, next to the phone number to order the album, were the words "Rush Delivery Available." In what scenario would you need this polka album rushed to you?

The giant box and the small individual size box of Raisin Bran each have "two scoops of raisins," according to the ads. How is this possible?

I don't have a shelf for a lot of my books, so I have them stacked flat on top of each other. Whenever I want to add a new book to a tall stack, I always make sure the stack isn't too high. If it's too high, I'll start a new stack or put it on a smaller stack. But a few days later when I want to add another book, I always attempt to put it on that same original tall stack again. Why? Do I think it has gotten shorter or is now magically more balanced than it was a few days earlier?

Funny family moment: years ago, my family was sitting around talking about the Super Bowl game, and someone mentioned it was being played in California, where it is three hours earlier. My sister said "that's not fair! They'll know the outcome of the game before we do!"

A couple of years ago I picked up a Sunday newspaper at the store. When I got home, I noticed that it was missing two or three sections. So, now, whenever I buy a newspaper, I make sure I take one from the middle and not the top one, because someone might have tampered with it.

Whenever I see a plane crash on TV, I think: if I'm ever on a plane that's going down, I'll just wait until the plane is, like, 10 feet or so from the ground, and then I'll jump out and I'll be OK.

I was at an intersection recently and couldn't move because of all the traffic. The guy behind me was so impatient, after honking his horn for a minute he got out of the car and came over to my car window. He said, "you know, you really should ease out a little bit more." Yeah, as if that didn't occur to me. I said, "thanks." Then, the traffic cleared, I took off, and he was standing there alone in the middle of the road while the other drivers in the cars behind us starting beeping at HIM.

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