TUESDAY, AUGUST 5, 200310:12 pm
I wonder if she got paid for each call?
11:31 am
I know, I know, updates have been very infrequent lately. Sorry. Busy with the book, which I think I've been saying every single day for the past year. More later today.
WEDNESDAY, JULY 23, 2003
1:15 pm
I'm not a big drinker (not anymore - that happens when you are well into your 30s), but I always enjoy doing Two Writers Drinking. The latest is up at Professor Barnhardt's Journal.
FRIDAY, JULY 18, 2003
8:46 am
This is the kind of stuff that makes the web great.
TUESDAY, JULY 15, 2003
3:27 pm
Last night I had my first piece of Bazooka bubble gum in quite some time. Years. They still have those little comics. Here is what mine said. Do you find this as pathetic as I do? (Bold letters are printed as they are in the comic)
"Bazooka Joe is 'everydude.' Girls dig him, guys respect him, and friends follow his lead. He's a rock lovin', flik watchin', video game groovin' guy hip to all the latest trends."
Egads. Did the Bazooka marketing department get together and try to figure out what all the young kids are saying and doing these days? Though even here they fail. Groovin'? Flik watchin'? Who the hell talks like that? (Oh, there's also a pic of him driving a motorcycle and saying "no sweat.")
They should have just gone all-out and called him a "rap-lovin', coke-snortin', hip radical dude, able to watch wrestling and also Lifetime, in touch with his feminine side while still diggin' the chicks! He gets good grades but he's not bookish, he's, like, really cool! He says 'Yo!" a lot!"
MONDAY, JULY 14, 2003
12:42 pm
An actual conversation, overheard as I was shopping for shaving cream at the convenience store:
GIRL #1: "...I'd much rather eat soup than read a book!"
GIRL #2: "Yeah."
GIRL #1: "I mean, like, DUH! Hello! Let's see...read this boring book or eat a nice bowl of soup?"
GIRL #2: "You like soup that much?"
GIRL #1: "Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee! I don't want to read a book when I have a bowl of soup!"
Sometimes people scare me.
WEDNESDAY, JULY 9, 2003
1:31 pm
I took part in the TV critics poll at TV Week. For the record, my picks for the best of the season:
1. Alias (ABC)
2. Lucky (FX)
3. The Late Show With David Letterman (CBS)
4. The Daily Show (Comedy Central)
5. Dinner For Five (IFC)
6. Monk (USA/ABC)
7. Survivor (CBS)
8. The World Poker Tour (The Travel Channel)
9. The West Wing (NBC)
10. John Doe (FOX)
And the worst:
1. The Anna Nicole Show (E!)
2. Larry King Live (CNN)
3. Jerry Springer (syndicated)
4. The Osbournes (MTV)
5. Jay Leno (NBC)Yes, I know, but I refuse to call it The Tonight Show while Leno is the host.
FRIDAY, JULY 4, 2003
2:28 pm
New issue of Professor Barnhardt's Journal is up. I got a bunch of writers, in response to that silly VH-1 "100 Greatest Songs of the Past 25 Years" list, to come up with their own Top 20.
Oh, and Happy 4th. I'm not a cookout and fireworks sort of guy, so I'll be home watching tennis while eating the burgers. And working on the book! It's done, just adding a final touch to the design and the boxes (you'll see what I mean when - or if - you order it).
TUESDAY, JUNE 24, 2003
10:57 am
Blogging will be very light this week (if not completely abandoned for the week) while I do one last check for typos and other things that will drive me insane. Then comes the printing and the mailing, which is really going to cut into any writing time. As for e-mails, I can't guarantee I'll respond asap, but I'll get to it when I can, probably late at night right before bed. If I sleep, that is.
In the meantime, two CDs you have to go out and buy right now: the new Fountains of Wayne ("Welcome Interstate Managers") and the debut from Fiction Plane ("Everything Will Never Be OK"). FP is fronted by Sting's son. Which really makes me feel old.
THURSDAY, JUNE 19, 2003
9:24 pm
I reviewed the Ore-Ida Funky Fries last year for Flak. Now they are being taken off the shelves.
MONDAY, JUNE 16, 2003
5:26 pm
Woman on the radio who won a trip to Hawaii:
D.J: "Have you ever been to Hawaii before?"
Woman: "No, I've never been out of the United States!"
*sigh*
FRIDAY, JUNE 13, 2003
10:58 am
Wrigley has the patent on a Viagra gum (registraton required).
Gives a whole new meaning to "double your pleasure, double your fun."
THURSDAY, JUNE 12, 2003
11:10 am
A few more quick thoughts on my birthday (because it's my web site and I can do that sort of thing): my best friend sent me a card that pointed out how when we were much younger we used to look at people in their mid to late 30s as "old." And damn he's right. But I'm in that weird middle ground where, while I am definitely beginning to feel a lot different than I did at 20 (I grunt a lot more when I get off the couch, the gut is harder to get rid of now, and I've given up on my hair), I also know that 38 is actually on the "you're still young!" end of things than the "it's all downhill now!" phase. Of course, ask me again in two years, when the odometer clicks over onto a "4."
But don't tell me that The Police are now "classic rock." I'll never believe that. Ever!
MONDAY, JUNE 9, 2003
8:47 am
Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear Bob...etc, etc, etc.
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 4, 2003
3:56 pm
Roger Ebert responds to actor Vincent Gallo's remarks.
MONDAY, JUNE 2, 2003
2:18 pm
If the movie is as good as the trailer (.mov file), then this could be one of the great amateur films of all time. A bunch of 11 and 12 year olds got together in 1982 to do a shot-by-shot remake of Raiders of the Lost Ark. They finished it 6 years later. Amazing. The whole story is here at Ain't It Cool.
SATURDAY, MAY 31, 2003
8:12 pm
Venus Williams at the French Open, wearing giant hoop earrings you could fit a beer can through. She's freaking me out, actually, since I worry that the hoops are going to latch on to her equally giant necklace, pulling her ear towards her shoulder, causing her head to rip off as she twists and tries one of her powerful two-handed backhands.
Tennis-related decapitations are always scary, but make for fascinating television.
FRIDAY, MAY 30, 2003
1:16 pm
Cool atomic age comic book from 1957.
TUESDAY, MAY 27, 2003
11:14 am
Now...where were we?
Sorry for the huge gaps between notebook entries. I've been sick off and on, staying up late working on the book, etc. But today I have promised myself to get back to this thing. The book, by the way, will be out on June 23. No, seriously.
SUNDAY, MAY 18, 2003
10:09 pm
Scratchy throat...headache...sneezing...tired...aches...ugh.
FRIDAY, MAY 16, 2003
7:31 pm
Note to the marketing dept. behind the TV ads for the new Lizzie McGuire movie: the movie is set in ROME, not "ROAM," the title of the B-52s song that you are using.
MONDAY, MAY 12, 2003
2:36 pm
Now let me get this straight: this is supposed to be a daily blog, right? Yeah, I thought so. Ahem.
THURSDAY, MAY 1, 2003
3:07 pm
The new Freschetta Italian Pepperoni Pizza has almost 5000 mg of sodium? Jesus. Maybe I should increase the dosage on my high blood pressure medication? (Or just maybe not even an entire damn pizza in one sitting? Ya think?)
TUESDAY, APRIL 29, 2003
3:04 pm
About that guy in the Ditech.com commercials, the one who says "ohhhhh, lost another one to Ditech!" He'd probably have more customers if he wasn't such a dick.
MONDAY, APRIL 28, 2003
6:14 pm
It's been so long since my last update that there's yet another new piece up at Professor Barnhardt's Journal. Mike Nelson gives us an excerpt from his new novel Death Rat!
TUESDAY, APRIL 22, 2003
12:10 am
At Professor Barnhardt's Journal this week, an interview with Keith Olbermann.
MONDAY, APRIL 21, 2003
11:59 pm
Today marks the start of the annual "Turn Off TV Week." I wrote a response for Ironminds a couple of years ago. Here it is, updated for '03:
Here we are in the middle of “National TV Turnoff Week,” the annual protest by TV-Free America to save the country from the EVILS (gasp!) of the small screen. I wish I knew more about the organization, but I’ve been too busy wondering what’s going on with how Buffy and the gang are going to defeat The First, and haven’t had time to find out more.
My point is this: What good does a week of turning off your TV do in the long run? It’s a fairly meaningless gesture to begin with (advertisers really won’t be hurt, and parents and kids will go back to watching TV the very next day), and what does it prove? That families can do without TV for a few days? Gee, I sure hope so. It’s really not that hard to do, especially when you know all the TV you want is just a week away.
I’ve received letters from folks who I would assume agree with TV Free America’s theory that the less TV the better. That people should be doing other things with their lives: reading, outdoor activities, forming meaningful relationships, work, etc. But all of these parties fall into the same trap TV bashers have been falling into for 30 years: It’s not an “all or nothing” scenario. TV really can be part of a balanced lifestyle. Serious TV fans and casual fans alike (and I count myself among the former) can have careers, strong relationships, a healthy diet and normal personalities — and get enough fresh air and exercise.
And there’s a fallacy that people who watch a lot of TV don’t read. Now, I’m sure there are thousands of kids (and even more adults, actually) who don’t want to read, but I don’t think getting them away from the TV is going to make them suddenly renew their library card (unless, of course, they need to read the latest John Grisham novel because “everyone else is”). On a personal note, I watch an amazing amount of television (because I want to) and still manage to read several books a month and three newspapers a day, work a full-time job, enjoy a social life and run every single morning at 6 a.m. And anyone else can do the same thing. Why is television looked upon as some sort of insidious disease that must curtailed or eliminated?
There’s a lot of great stuff on television amid all the dreck. Sure, we have Jerry Springer and The Bachelor and Temptation Island and Anna Nicole, but I’ll take all of that if we also get Letterman, Alias, Ed, Lucky, Frontline, The Daily Show, the Discovery Channel, the History Channel, The West Wing, and The Simpsons. TV really has a great batting average. Turn off my TV for a week? No thanks. I’d miss a lot of really good stuff.
Do I think kids and parents should sit in front of the TV all day long? Of course not. But I also don’t think they should read books all day long or eat yogurt all day long either, no matter how good for you those things are supposed to be. Everything in moderation. A recent study at Harvard said that people who watch television are fatter, because they don't get as much exercise and just sit in front of the boob tube. Did you know that if you did nothing but read encyclopedias in your chair all day long, you’d become fat? But holding a “Book-Free Week” would be rather ridiculous, right? Same for television. If TV is killing or warping us as a people, then there’s something seriously wrong somewhere. And I don’t mean Everwood, Dawson's Creek, or Stuckeyville.
I find it extremely odd that the people who participate in a “National TV Turnoff Week” actually find it necessary to do such a thing! Why do these people have to take an entire week during a certain time of year to “rid themselves” of television? Can’t they do this on their own, maybe find that balance in their lives that can include television? Take an active role in their lives and the lives of their children?
Maybe the parents participating in this event feel guilty about using television as a babysitter (though I was a big TV watcher as a kid and I think I grew up better adjusted than some of my classmates; you think parents and my own personal responsibility to do other things with my life had anything to do with it — ya think?). They can declare their household TV-free for a week and feel like they’re doing something for their children. Then, when the week is over, they can go back to not paying attention to what their kids are doing, drinking too many beers on weekends, swearing in front of their 7-year-olds, slapping them when they cry at a restaurant, and being too busy in general to really give a shit. What, we turn off TV for a week, slap ourselves on the forehead and say “Doh! It’s TV that is ruining my life! I better go renew my gym membership, invent a life-saving medical device and work in that soup kitchen!”
Look at it this way, if you truly and honestly think that turning off your television for a week (or more) is going to improve your life, then you better seriously rethink the way you live your life the other 51 weeks of the year.
Watch less television? OK, fine. And work, make love, read the classics, walk along the beach, climb mountains, enjoy great works of art, go to a nice restaurant, spend time with your spouse, friends, and family, have a career, watch a sunset, live and laugh. Just also remember that The West Wing is on every Wednesday at 9 ET.
It’s really a great show. Have you seen it?
THURSDAY, APRIL 17, 2003
10:58 am
Two more dreams:
Dream #1: I'm playing some sort of board game, with the same layout as Monopoly, only it's war-related. The pieces are miniature army tanks that move all by themselves, crushing all the army men that stand around the board. Only I can't seem to crush my opponents. They just seem to get dragged along the side of the tanks.
Dream #2: I'm in a museum, and all my teeth start falling out.
TUESDAY, APRIL 15, 2003
3:45 pm
I'm a man, and like most men I like a really good beer, playing cards, watching the 3 Stooges, and checking out the scrambled cable stations just in case the sex scenes are visible for a few seconds. I also like watching Kate and Allie reruns on Oxygen. You got a problem with that?
MONDAY, APRIL 14, 2003
2:53 pm
This sounds more like Penthouse Forum than a 1950 comic book.
THURSDAY, APRIL 10, 2003
3:34 pm
Oh, if this shaking hands with Geraldo thing is true, that's the greatest thing I've heard in a while.
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 9, 2003
4:28 pm
Everything you've always wanted to know about airline food. And yes, I mean everything. Fascinating, actually, in an odd way.
MONDAY, APRIL 7, 2003
2:32 pm
Absolutely the weirdest time to see a movie: Sunday morning, multiplex, all alone. You wonder, who are these people, and why are they here on a Sunday morning seeing this movie all by themselves? Then you realize that you are there too.
The movie, by the way, was Phone Booth. Good flick.
FRIDAY, APRIL 4, 2003
3:02 pm
I've been having a lot of dreams lately. I know that supposedly everyone dreams every night, it's just that we don't remember them. I don't know if that's true or not, but I do know that I've been having vivid dreams every single night for the past 6 months. Not just fleeting dreams that I remember only because I wake up in the middle of the night right after the dream. But long, involved, memorable dreams, with meaty plots and large casts and dialogue, seemingly filmed on various locations around the country.
They say that your dreams can tell you what you are really worried about in your awake life. That they can help you solve problems. That they can help you figure out the answers to the questions you might have about something going on in your life. Here's a list of recent dreams I've had:
- I've started a new job, some sort of phone sales position, in Chicago. The dream took me from the airplane to the airport to my first day on the job, arguing with co-workers, right up until going outside on the streets of Chicago, looking up at the tall buildings, looking for a place to eat lunch.
- I'm helping Rosemary Clooney record her new album. Clooney died last year.
- Something sports-oriented. I don't remember the sport, the players, or the field, but I remember being very jealous that someone was better at the sport than I was.
- I'm in Hollywood. That's it. I know I'm there, but nothing happens in the dream.
- I'm looking for money. Any money, from anyone, for any reason. (This dream I actually understand all too well).
- I'm having dinner - at least I think it's dinner, because it's a restaurant, sort of anyway, with a large round table - with various beautiful actresses. I'm just talking and talking and talking, and then several villains from the "Batman" TV series show up. So, in this dream, not only am I NOT having sex with various beautiful actresses, instead merely talking them to death, the dream ends with freaks in colorful make-up showing up to meet me. Help me.
- I'm dancing, furiously, to hideously generic techno music, when the "bad guys" come in looking for me. I see them, and I run out the back door. I'm chased down an alley and the dream ends.
- I'm dressed as a giant french fry.
I either have lots of fodder for my writing, or I'll slowly going insane.
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 2, 2003
11:13 pm
Fun with closed-captioning: today I put my TV on "mute" during Ari Fleischer's press briefing, and just happened to catch this gem. While Fleischer was talking about Bush's meeting with the President of Uruguay, this is what was typed on the screen:
"...you're gay at The White House."
Either someone wasn't paying attention, or the world of closed-caption writers is a lot more fun than I thought.
TUESDAY, APRIL 1, 2003
2:13 pm
The plan is to eventually archive the previous month's blog entries. But for now, let's just keep going, shall we?
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