August 26, 2003

A Chat With Bob Sassone About His New Collection,
Book, With Words and Pages

What would you advise a high school student who is interested in pursuing a career in fiction writing to study and do to get their foot in the door- Maryellen, Las Vegas

Fiction writing? Study what I did when I was in high school, and then DO THE EXACT OPPOSITE.

I read a lot in high school, but didn't write that much. Big mistake. Write write write. And when it comes to fiction, don't bother reading a shit load of books about writing. It can screw up your style. Instead, read novels and short stories by great writers.

***

Aloha from sunny Hawaii! When did you realize that you had a talent for writing and what did you do to develop it? - Pekani, Honolulu

When I was in 5th grade and realized, "wow, math really sucks."

***

I really love your writing, and find that you often have a different view of things than how most other people would see the same thing. Do you find that most writers you know are the same way? - Don, Dallas

Thank you Don. Writers are amazingly screwed up people. Seriously. Our minds just aren't wired the same way.

***

Hi Bob, Could you tell me what a typical day in the life of a freelance writer is like? - Melody, Edmonton

6am: Wake up after 3 hrs of semi-sleep
7am: Search kitchen for caffeine
8am: Watch TV
9am: Shit, shower, shave
9:06 am: Realize you're going to be staying in all day, so don't bother shaving.
10am: Write. Today is the day you're going to finally land that big assignment from the glossy mag.
11am: They're not interested.
11:30am: You should be working, but the mail just came and you wonder if that check you've been waiting for has come.
11:35am: No check. Which makes sense, since you remember you don't even have one coming this month. The new Playboy is here though.
11:45: Masturbate
Noon: Lunch. What will it be today? Another sandwich?
2pm: Search want ads for real job
2:30pm - 6pm: Write
6:30pm: Dinner. Probably pizza or pasta.
7pm: Sit down to write some more, but there's a really funny "Seinfeld" on...
7:30: ...and "The Simpsons."
8pm - 10pm: Write
10:15: Masturbate
10:30pm - 1:30am: Write/Watch Letterman
1:45am: Try to fall asleep, but think of a gazillion ideas for articles. Toss and turn.
3am-6am: Sleep.
Repeat forever.

***

Are there any particular writers that influenced your writing? Who are they, and what about them impressed you? - Tyler, Atlanta

Hmmm...that's a long list. When I was a kid, I was a big science fiction and mystery fan (still am), and used to spend many hours at the library reading, so I'd say Ray Bradbury, Harlan Ellison, Isaac Asimov, Damon Knight, Ross MacDonald, Raymond Chandler. I'm a huge fan of Rod Serling, and Aaron Sorkin, who wrote The West Wing and Sports Night. F. Scott Fitzgerald. I like all types of writing: novels, short stories, essays, even people who write ads. There's a lot of creativity there. Shows like "Seinfeld" and "The Simpsons" and "The Daily Show" are brilliant. David Sedaris. Dorothy Parker. Comic book writers. I read a lot of non-fiction. Lots of magazine and web writers. Too many to mention. I'm sure I'll think of more in about an hour.

***

It says at your site that the book is in a "box." What does that mean? - Dave, NYC

A box is an often square-shaped container, made out of cardboard, used to ship and/or hold various items.

***

So, basically you self-published because you couldn't get a real publisher interested? - Richard, Los Angeles

Wow, you get right to the point, don't you Richard? By the way, can I call you Dick?

I'm a writer, period. And I really don't get freaked out about what form the writing takes. I come from a background in doing zines in the late 80s and early 90s, so this homemade book was a natural for me, and a lot of fun. This one was self-published. My next book, a novel, will be published the traditional way. Then I might do another self-published thing. Who knows? As long as the writing gets out there and I'm happy.

A lot of people don't think a self-published book is a "real" book. But what is a real book now? What about e-books, that only exist as data on a screen? Or how about novels online? Those aren't real? Please.

***

Should a writer write for free? - Laura, Minneapolis

One of the pieces of advice you see most often in publications like Writer's Digest and Writer's Weekly and even places like Mediabistro is "a professional gets paid for his work!" Actually, this is completely wrong. A professional doesn't even fucking let it bother him.

That's not to say that a writer shouldn't get paid for something he writes, or that writing isn't a real profession, or that you should be taken advantage of by some unscrupulous editor or publisher. Of course not. But we're adults, and we can do whatever the hell we want with our writing. Writing for free because WE choose to and getting taken advantage of are completely different things.

I've written for several publications where I haven't been paid a cent, but wanted to write for them because I like the publication or they are friends of mine or I wanted to contribute. Many reasons. That novel or screenplay that millions are writing right now? Unless you have a signed contract or advance, you're writing it for free. Does that mean you should stop? Of course not. I edit a magazine that can't pay it's writers, but that hasn't stopped some very cool folks from submitting their stuff. This whole "writing for free vs. writing for pay" thing is one of the true bullshit issues of our time. Do what you want.

***

You wrote an article about query letters. What is more important, query letters or writing articles? - Bob, NYC.

People spend way too much time writing queries. They're looking for perfect queries, but queries, like resumes, can't be perfect. Sure, they can be important when you're starting out, but today I see too many writers spending more time "perfecting" their query letter writing skills instead of writing the piece. Learn how to write one and then get on with things. And people who "write for the market," meaning they try to find out what is "hot" now or what trend they can capitalize on, or those "what editors want now!" articles in writing magazines? Those people scare the hell out of me.

***

You write a lot about television. Don't you think that people should read more and not watch television, getting all fat and lazy? - Steve, Seattle.

As opposed to sitting in a big chair and reading, which gives you sculpted abs?

This is what makes me laugh about all these studies that say watching television causes health problems in kids. It's not television, it's any acitivity where you are sitting around. But you wouldn't tell people to stop reading because they should be outside playing, right? Everything in moderation. I think everyone should get outside more and eat better and have relationships and all that. I just also think that TV can be a part of a balanced lifestyle.

By the way, there is just as much bad writing than there is bad TV.

***

What do you think a writer who can't pay the bills should do? - John, NYC

Get a job.

***

What was your first paying writing job? - June, Florida

1988. A review of a Crowded House album. I got $15!

***

Best and worst jobs you've ever had? - John, NYC

The best job I ever had was when I worked at a pizza place in my hometown when I was around 18 to 20. Great friends, all the pizza I could eat, and a well-stocked bar available to us after work! The worst job I ever had was working at an engineering company the summer after I graduated high school. I was really lost and didn't know what to do with my life (also, my mother was yelling at me to get a job), so a relative got me a job in the records room, where I was in charge of these massive files that contained blueprints and microfiche of records. There must have been a million of them, all housed in this giant contraption that would rotate (this was pre-computers). Someone would come in and ask for blueprint #49800653430980142001, and if I was one number off, then they got the wrong file and the whole company would come to a stand still. God did that stuck. My boss was crazy too. I hated it, and often called in sick. I got canned, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me, because that's when I went to work at the pizza place and started writing more seriously.

***

What do you think of Stephen King? - Dave, Boston.

Great writer. And just as important, someone who really likes writing and is really into the history of the stuff he writes about. I like his short stories and his non-fiction more than his novels.

He gets a bad rap. Anyone who doesn't think Stephen King is a good writer is either a bad writer himself or a bad reader. Probably both.

***

How do I get an agent? - Bill, NH

Actually, I don't have an agent right now, since most of the writing I've done over the years has been essays and journalism and reviews, that sort of thing, and you don't need an agent for that, or even short stories. But basically, you research agents and see who handles the kind of stuff you write. Also look in the "thank you" sections of books that are like yours and see if the author thanks the agent.

And let me make this clear: I am looking for an agent now, so if one is reading this...

***

No question, I just wanted to say I like your site and writing. - Linda, Boston.

Thank you Linda.

***

What do you like to do besides write? - Laura, Minneapolis

The usual. I'm really into knitting and collecting pickle jars.

Well, no. Actually I like playing tennis, reading, surfing the web, music. I do collect some stuff, like ads and memorabilia from the 40s, 50s, and 60s.

***

What do you think of writing workshops? - Dan, Chicago

Eh.

Go back to Professor Barnhardt's Journal